Who ever said "Christmas comes only once a year" was totally lying. Yes, ALL LIES! How do I know this? I know this simply because AZ (My local con) is this weekend and it's like Christmas to the population of Gamers, Anime enthusiasts, and Manga indulgers. So, in theory, Christmas happens twice this year. Okay, okay, I know I dislike Christmas in general, but this is like my birthday, Christmas, and Tae Kwon Do festival all rolled up in to one-- that's how excited I get. Unfortunately, I wont be cosplaying like I was hoping to. That doesn't matter anymore because I can easily be photographer. I'm excited, besides my Third Dan Testing/Festival, this will be one of the first big events I take my new Nikon D40 to. So YAY for that! But one of my main reasons to be going to AZ, besides the fact that I have loads of fun each year and people can actually get me to smile, is so I can get out of the house. Now there are a lot of stressful things at home. And now I have 3 wonderful days, if you don't count pre-con, to hang out with my friends, take a billion pictures, relax (except for Saturday morning-- I have to work > <, and be away from my family. I need that. I also have a car this weekend to use, which doesn't happen often without pleading. This is different from last year. And another thing different from last year is that I'll actually get fed. YAY! But yeah... YAY FOR AZ!

Oh yeah! I finally got my Third Dan! Heck yes! I have more responsibility-- kinda sucks, but I'm having a lot of fun with all the new stuff I'm learning. Getting thrown around a lot, but that's only because I'm really good at acting for self defense and falling correctly. But yeah, I'm proud of myself. I really deserve this after the many years I've been training.

So it's been a week... my world came crashing down a week ago. Now I'm just oddly okay with it. I've lost my passion for just about everything I've ever loved. Tae-Kwon-Do. Photography. Music. Dancing. All gone. I'm fucked. And have come to the ever bloody conclusion that I may just drop from my sodding classes.I have really decided to rant simply because i know it is hardly read amongst the internet. I'm not popular. My faith in man kind is lost. I do not trust hardly anyone anymore. I'm not old enough to be making the decisions I'm making. But yet I can't just break down. My body will not allow me to break down. I'm Sodding sick of it! I want what I can't have and have what i don't want! It fuckin' sucks!

I don't understand why I always feel like shit on the holidays. Maybe it's the fact that I've always disliked Christmas and my parents always spend money that we don't have with kids in college and everything. I mean a Xbox 360 was very nice to receive, but yet I feel empty. I only feel warm once or twice during this time of year. 1.) When I see someone I truly love open a gift. And 2.) When I get away from reality. I don't mind traveling. I don't mind going to Novi again this year. I've been like 5 years in a row now. It's kinda expected that I come. They love me, but yet I still feel distant because everyone grew up together and we lived so far away. It's really odd when my father goes up with out my mum-- not his side of the family. But then again, the one person I've had on my mind for what seems like forever now is still so far away. 5,000- 6,000 miles away to be exact. And it is his favorite time of year. It's really depressing. I just feel empty.

SO finally i finished my first semester in college. I underestimated it greatly. Ended up doing somewhat well. Not well enough for my scholarship again though. Kinda bummed about that. Got done on Wednesday. Wednesday night was the best night of my life so far. I'm still on my quest for third dan. Today I had the best 10 minutes I had in a few days. And it was totally a car ride. You really don't realize you miss someone until you've been away from them for 5 months.

Okay so I've had a rough few months. With break ups and everything. But everything just changed all of a sudden. I'm happier. Well there are reasons. Well first off. I've decided to test for my Third Dan in April, I still havent had time to get to grand master, but I will with in this month. I have a lot of supporters and people who have agreed to help (you know who you are). They get thank yous. I've also decided to be in the University's Concert Band next semester (not to mention the marching band next year). I thought I lost my trumpet playing skills, but they fount me again ^ ^. And Finally I've been asked to be the head of a branch of XMA (Extreme Martial arts) Team. That's right my own team. There's a chance it might not happen. So i'm hoping it will. But i guess my days are a little bit brighter now.
--V--